Get moving!
Welcome to the Summer of Love, Yourself...
as we TAKE THE LAKE!
Dear Lard-Butt,
I had actually considered making this blog a real screamer. You know, the Army drill sergeant bellowing at the recruit to move his lazy tail, and shouting, and insulting, and demeaning - that sort of thing. But, I figure you get enough of that at home.
The idea was to browbeat and intimidate you into exercising and making something of yourself. But being a sensitive and professional gentleman, I refuse to stoop to those standards. (Knowing me as you do, I am sure you find this as no surprise.)
Besides, you already know that you are a pathetic, indolent, sorry disgrace to your gene pool - why should I remind you?
So, keep your chins up, your love handles soft and cushy, and your fat rear on the fat sofa as I remind you about the "Take the Lake" tour this Labor Day weekend!
If you are reading this, it's because of one of the following reasons:
A. - I sized you up as an excellent speciman of the human form who could easily meet the challenge I am about to issue.
B. - I saw you as so feeble and frail that you might actually make me look good as I drag my sorry butt around, over and around this darn lake (Waccamaw.)
C. - Your wife gave me twenty bucks to get you in some kind of decent shape, because, as she has said over and over "the milkman ain't come around in years!"
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In case you don't remember our brief discussion about this event, here are the notes:
- The first year, 2008, will be a "trial run" with only a few of us.
- We'd like to walk around the lake, and paddle and swim across.
- (UPDATE Aug. 12: we will bike the lake) We wanted to bike the lake, but getting through the state park at this time just won't work.
- You're welcome to bike the lake and stop at the park.
- You can participate in one or all events.
- That means you can just walk around the lake, if you like.
... or bicycle, or roller-skate around (most of) the lake.
... or bicycle, or roller-skate around (most of) the lake.
... or swim across the lake.
... or paddle across the lake.
- This will not be a race.
- The event will be on Labor Day weekend, with one event each day.
- We might walk on Saturday, paddle on Sunday and swim on Monday.
- A small group already swims the lake on Monday and we plan to join them.
- That group has rules (each swimmer needs an escort craft.)
- Another group already walks the lake, so let's join them.
- If this works, we hope to turn it into a large event for the county
- Our county could sure use such a healthful event.
- There will be no registration fee in 2008
- There won't be any prizes either, just the bliss you will experience as you achieve what everyone who knows you believes that you will utterly fail at.
============================
Here are approximate distances (This is from memory - Google-Earth it yourself, OK?)
- Swim across is 2-4 miles, depending on wind, between the dam and the McNeill pier.
- Paddle could be the same as swim, but -- go ahead, Show-off -- paddle around the whole lake.
- Walk is 17 miles.
So, that's what you're in for. These are all very reasonable challenges for any human in average shape (not you) so consider the public humiliation if you back out. (Time to schedule that Chernobyl vacation for Labor Day!)
- The event will be on Labor Day weekend, with one event each day.
- We might walk on Saturday, paddle on Sunday and swim on Monday.
- A small group already swims the lake on Monday and we plan to join them.
- That group has rules (each swimmer needs an escort craft.)
- Another group already walks the lake, so let's join them.
- If this works, we hope to turn it into a large event for the county
- Our county could sure use such a healthful event.
- There will be no registration fee in 2008
- There won't be any prizes either, just the bliss you will experience as you achieve what everyone who knows you believes that you will utterly fail at.
============================
Here are approximate distances (This is from memory - Google-Earth it yourself, OK?)
- Swim across is 2-4 miles, depending on wind, between the dam and the McNeill pier.
- Paddle could be the same as swim, but -- go ahead, Show-off -- paddle around the whole lake.
- Walk is 17 miles.
So, that's what you're in for. These are all very reasonable challenges for any human in average shape (not you) so consider the public humiliation if you back out. (Time to schedule that Chernobyl vacation for Labor Day!)
I say "reasonable" challenge, with an emphasis on challenge. Most likely, you will need to train for this, and in the next few months, I will remind you and give you some guidelines. If you have any sense, you won't trust me, so consult someone who actually knows something about exercise.
Oh, yes. Since this is just a casual test run for the event, you don't really have to do it on that weekend. You'll probably want to swim on Labor Day because they set up bouys and you might be safer then, but feel free to walk or paddle the lake any other time. Just let me know how it goes.
No lying, please. Exaggerations are allowed, but let's have some pride, folks!
Check back here often for more inspiring and kind words! Thanks for joining us, and welcome to the Summer of Love, Yourself.
Yours, at 6-feet, 188 pounds,
Mark Gilchrist
